Pop! It was a loud sound, then suddenly I was on the ground. At that moment, I knew I’d suffered an injury. But this wasn’t like the sprained ankle injuries I’ve had before. It didn’t immediately swell, just felt a weird feeling in the area, then I tried to get up, all of a sudden my knee wobbled uncontrollably. I was far from home around an hour and a half and was afraid to call the ambulance since it’s expensive so I limped my way to the train station and took it home. The next day, I went to a bone and joint center, where they took an X-ray of my leg and said it was just a sprain. I knew I wasn’t, it couldn’t be with how bad the pain was, after begging them to give me a brace or something they called another doctor who noticed something, there was way too much blood pooling around the knee. That’s when he ordered an MRI to be done. I didn’t find out I tore my ACL until two weeks later. During that time, my family thought I was being dramatic. My mom would say “Para de aserte el debil para no irte a la escuela”, meaning stop acting weak so you don’t have to go to school. My older brother was worse. He wouldn’t say anything but he would “accidentally” move my leg when I was lying down just to mess with me. All I could hope for at that time was it being nothing serious and that the doctors were right about it being a bad sprain.

When I finally got the MRI results the doctor had a smile on his face, he knew but was trying to lighten the mood, to me it felt like he was making a joke though. I was in denial until he pulled up the MRI pictures on his computer and showed me the tear. My ACL was split in half. At that moment, it felt like my life was over. Soccer wasn’t just a sport to me it was the way I relieved stress when I was having a bad day, it was also my daily routine to play soccer. Losing it felt like losing a big part of my life. I had to do pre-surgery physical therapy to build muscle strength in my quads and hamstrings in order to be strong enough for recovery after. But after I finished, my insurance was taken away. I spent months trying to get coverage back, going to different offices and many calls. I didn’t end up getting the surgery until May almost half a year after the injury. That delay crushed me mentally. Many times I experienced my knee trying to bend the other way even when walking slowly. This traumatized me and even now I’m scared to run again because of that fear that my leg is still not strong enough. 

The first four weeks after surgery were brutal. I couldn’t walk without crutches, and my leg was swollen, the whole area was burning and drenched in sweat, and my knee was locked in place with a brace. I never realised the simple things like going to the bathroom would be some of the most difficult things to do because there wasn’t enough leg room to maneuver. This left me to always be uncomfortable. Getting out of bed was a challenge too, the swelling had shut down my quad muscles, so I had to use my other leg to lift it up. After a week of mostly laying down and having my leg raised it got worse, laying down for so long was causing blood to flow upward and I started getting a really bad headache. The pain was crazy, and I still remember the pressure I felt behind my eyes whenever I tried looking to the side, it lasted for three whole days and I hated every second. The only thing that kept me going was my upcoming graduation. I didn’t want to walk across that stage in crutches, I was embarrassed to do that. That goal was what became my motivation to keep pushing. When my physical therapist told me to do 200 reps of ankle pumps a day to improve blood flow and reduce swelling, I did 600. Such a simple exercise looks so easy but when your leg is swollen that much it makes it hard to even control your foot. When my physical therapist said I wouldn’t be able to climb stairs for two to three months, I did it in one just in time for graduation. That moment seems so unimportant but the feeling of walking on the stage in front of everyone and showing them how strong I was, was amazing. It wasn’t only for others though, it was also about showing myself what I was capable of when I have a strong goal in mind, that I could fight through the pain and reach my real goal of returning to play soccer in the future.

Since the surgery I’ve regained most of my range of motion but going into hyperextension or fully extending too quickly still hurts. It hurts the most after sitting in class for a long time without stretching, it feels like my leg becomes stiff and doesn’t want to extend. That’s why I usually sit in the front of the class now or somewhere I can stretch more easily. A few weeks ago  I started jogging again even though it’s still slow and only short distances. My goal right now is that by mid December I’ll be able to run and start playing soccer again even if it’s not full games yet but at least passing the ball around like I used to. I’ve also been hitting the gym and doing home exercises to rebuild my leg strength back, I’ve even gotten back to leg pressing 4 plates. But the biggest challenge I face now is overcoming that fear of running and jumping and finding new hobbies to keep me entertained. Being on my phone and playing games got boring after it was all I could do for the first 2 months. Some of the new hobbies I’ve built during my recovery are learning guitar, going to the gym, and learning about watchmaking.

This injury didn’t just take me off the field, it also forced me to find new ways to cope with stress and find new hobbies. I’ve learned that recovery isn’t just a physical challenge, but it’s also a mental challenge. The recovery isn’t over yet. I’m only at the fifth month out of nine but I’ve discovered new parts of myself and learned to be more open minded and take this injury as a positive that taught me to never take the things you have/can do for granted.